the_fantastic_ms_fox | Entries tagged with introspection

I learn a lot from larp.

I have tried to be all things to all people - including myself. I take on too many commitments, external or internal, then either stress myself or do a job that is not what I'd hoped. Or both. Often both. That level of stress isn't just unpleasant, it's a wearing down of the self's resources.

To get some persepctive on what was going on in my life, I thought of making a character who overcommitted herself and had to choose between wearing herself down, dropping the ball on commitments or both.

But in many games, this is impossible

You see, many larps have a "downtime" system. You write in with your character's actions between sessions; the narrators write back. Due to administrative workload limitations, and/or the push for strategy, this is often limited to three tasks or "actions."

Players know exactly how much their characters can reasonably try to accomplish. There is no more.

Lucky them.

Consider downtime systems - and their applications for real life.

How many actions do you have? How many hours in a week, sister? How many weeks in your life?

Crossposts: http://hundun.livejournal.com/281063.html

I find that I automatically resist the idea of "taking a break." But it is time, and I think it feels good.

I'm too bound up in the feeling of "being useful." I feel that I always have to be doing something, even if that thing is a waste of time.

And so I would take time off, but keep busy, often doing things that I don't really enjoy. In this way, I could both do little, and feel spent.

I guess that it's not so much that I need to stop, it's that I need to learn to stop.

So first I learn to lie on the couch and read. I haven't really read in years, at least not on the couch. I'd read for class, to pass time on a trip, or on the internet.

Looking forward over the next months and years, I can see a lot of long-term endeavors that have structured my life coming to an end.

And then what?

Let's keep in mind that structure, purpose and meaning are a matter of perception.

I started asking myself this question just shy of two years ago. I stopped thinking of what I should do (whatever that means), and instead turned towards what I want. Or what makes me happy. Or whatever is worth it to me.

( Read more... )

"I now have a lot more respect for 14-year-old boys"

- participant at a transgender support group

I empathize. Both he and I were/are dealing with having the hormonal oscillations of an adolescant member of our preferred gender.

All this crazy hormone shit is good - it's really good - but it's interesting and, at times, six kinds of intense.

( The subtler side of biochemistry (warning - TMI) )

Happy New Year all.

Nineday is the close of week zero and a good time for summaries and resoultions:

( Thus... )

In other news: to date, four people have stated that "Sasha" doesn't sound, or simply isn't, an androgynous name. Two said it's a boy's name; two, a girl's.

Something's shifted recently, I can see into what I'm doing, why I'm doing it. I can see where the problems with how I'm living my life are, and what I need to change them. I can even see them on the fly, while I'm erring, and hav ethe impulse to fix it.

Weird.

The genie seems out of the bottle. Being in some sort or capital-R Relationship uncorked something weird and it's still spilling out and all over the place. I feel different, see myself, sex, and the interaction between the two differently, and I can't pin down events to cause this, just events that should cause this, that make sense.

It's good, but scary.

It occurs to me that I look for threats everywhere.

This would not be a bad habit, were I able to sit back and enjoy the non-threat time/space that I create, but no such thing comes about through my efforts.

Looking for threats-to-sleep is the most amusing: something has or may disturb my rest, so I lie awake at night, trying to figure out a way to nuetralize it: insomnia over trying to figure out how to soundproof the windows so I can sleep better.

Threats to my friends' mental health. Threats to my mental health. Unpleasant, frustrating in-the-near-future crap like job hunting. Yada yada yada.

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The Fanstastic Ms. Fox

Entries tagged with introspection

(no subject)

Stopping is a learned skill

So. What do you want?

Hormone madnessarynessocityishness

(no subject)

Falling into balance

Terror Alert Status: Fuschia with Stripes

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August 2017

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