A bunch of goals. In no particular order. With externally-imposed deadlines noted

1. Finance The Switch (March 31st 2014)

2. Finance The Vegan Roadshow (April 30th 2014)

3. Finance Monsterhearts (January 2015)

4. Actualize Project Basilisk (August 2014)

5. Run for city council (September 20th-November 20th ish 2014)

6. File for court with Greg Hughes (December 15th, 2013)

7. Find stable LTR (October 15th, 2014)

8. Prep Elchis Network (...???)

9. Exchange "Studio" for "Roommate," "Shed" for "Studio" (January 1st)

10. Develop Art Plan (...???)

11. Get up at 7-8:30 with a full night's rest. (...???)

12. Investigate investing (...??? - but the sooner, the more effective)

13. Employ skin-care regimen  (...??? - but the sooner, the more effective)

14. Take  multi-vitamin  (...??? - but the sooner, the more effective)

15. Meditate (...??? - but the sooner, the more effective)


Top Goals

1. Finance The Switch (March 31st)

2. Move studio to shed, find roommate

3. Meditate

4. Finance The Vegan Roadshow

5. Recoup money for robbery of phone


Obstacles to #1

A. Trans people are marginalized, broke and small in number.

B. Executives don't get trans people or geek content.

C. We want to be The First Series With A Trans Lead and the CW and BBC and who knows what else are coming up on us.

D. We're a little green.


Knowledge and Skills Needed

1. See financing plan.

- bridge and gap financing
- tax credits
- merch strategy,
- solicitation

Whose help I will need.

- JF
- HG



Government agencies

Finance people.

- SP


The plan is to do something every day to get this to happen. Failure is not an option.

Pick something in the past that still hurts

- Staying in the closet

Internal factors that brought this about

- I did not do research
- I censored my own thoughts
- I did not consider my wants and vision to be worthwhile or practicable

1. Three people, living or dead, I admire. And one quality each
- Robin Hood. Admittedly, he is (largely) fictional, but I admire him greatly. He was virtuously cunning.
- My uncle. He is wise. Like my grandfather was, and like how I hope to be.
- Hard to pin down the last one. Storytellers who spin something amazing out of resistance. Nalo Hobkinson. Tracy Chapman (often). John Varley (sometimes). Bruce Sterling (sometimes).

I really don't have many concrete role models. Robin Hood was the one who came to mind the strongest. This shows an odd disconnect from the real.

2. The virtue I strive to practice or emulate
- Resistance. The unwavering ability to stick to principles.

3. When do I feel the most confident; like the best person I could be
- When I just gave a speech to an audience.

4. What situations make me feel the greatest self-esteem or personal worth
- Applause. The admiration of the group.

5. What would a junxi version of me do differently from today 
- She would spend more time on concrete punditry.

6. What quality would I like to be known for, and how could I make this happen?
- Speaking truth to power. Delivering an honest, resonating and actionable critique of the status quo.

7. Where do I need to demonstrate more truthfulness and integrity?
- My own work habits.


Questions from Brian Tracy's
The Power of Self Discipline
An amazing and inspiring book with little to no analysis of privilege.

1a. Ideal work life
Tonnes of integrated creative work (writing and production design) and a little corporate strategy

1b. Discipline to get there:
Setting and hitting deadlines
Learn to market creative work on both the free market and the grant system

2a. Ideal family life:
Stable Long-Term relationship. Involvement in the lives of youth. Shared living (see #3)

2b. Discipline to get there:
Find an LTR.

3a. Ideal community life:
Basically university residence for adults, and without the academic/class barrier to community participation. If UBC was to become an open community tomorrow, and I could move into rez with other people who actually know how to live in community, I would pack up and go.

3b. Discipline to get there:
(...I'm drawing a blank here. Thoughts?)

4a. Ideal health
Greater gymnastic ability
Greater skin health
Extraordinary longevity

4b. Discipline to get there:
Heavy training (may not be practical)
Skin care regimen as outlined by Brooke
Find a multivitamin that doesn't hurt my stomach and keep abreast of anti-agathic research

- Note: I'm in pretty amazing health right now. I bike most places, getting my cardio, and I do conditioning. I just need to maintain it. I could do conditioning once a week and do physical skills twice a week. Oh wait, I have plans to do just that - albeit this time without tearing the tissue that holds my ribs in place.

5a. Financial situation
Enough money to employ people full time and not care whether we make a profit at our socially beneficial endeavor

5b. Disclipline
Learn to how to watch and put money into the investment market.
Learn how to market of creative work

- Note: My frugality is noted by my friends. All I can really cut back on is relocate my studio to the shed and do acting co-op instead of lessons. And I have options to do both of those
- Note: In the past, my market sense has been bang-on, like eerily so (this stock will rise to this level, then peak around here and settle around here; this commodity is grossly undervalued), but I haven't moved on it and thus lost out

6. Why not there already?
Lack of clear goals and a strategy to get there

7. What one skill would be the most useful?
Practical, low-key project management

8. Which one discipline would have the biggest impact
Sticking to a to-do list.

 Current Projects
  • Producing Electronic Media
    • Executive Producing  (delegate, direct as board, Hire Project Manager?)
      • The Switch ( " )
      • Monsterhearts ( " )
      • The Vegan Roadshow ( " / delegate)
    • Writing
      • The Switch (define scope of commitment)
      • Monsterhearts (define scope of commitment)
      • Personal Projects (Hobby Only)
    • Acting
      • Acting Lessons/Practice
        • Auditions (Need to line this up, finite duration)
        • Acting on Camera (Sunday Evening, November)
        • Scene Study (Monday Evening)
        • Stage Fighting (Later, finite duration)
        • Parkour?
        • Improvisational
          • LARP
          • Bobbers
      • Seeking work
      • Performing in Self-Directed Projects
        • The Switch (date TBA)
        • Monsterhearts (date TBA)
  • Still Art
    • Sculpture
      • Inventory Projects
      • Arrange Gallery
    • Painting
      • Inventory Projects
      • Arrange Distribution or gifts
    • Production Design
      • Monsterhearts? (Later)
  • Community Involvement
    • Elchis Network (Delegate)
    • Elections (2014)
    • Improving LARP  (Delegate)
    • Involving Queer Youth in Filmmaking / Actorshare Series (Delegate)
  • Business
    • Full Stop (Board only, otherwise delegate)
    • Elchis Network (Host/Board only, otherwise delegate)
  • Self-Care
    • Physical exercise
      • Cardio (bike)
      • Gym (reduce when commencing stage fighting)
    • Emotional
      • Meditation/Relaxation
    • Health
      • Titanium Wrist - Rejection? Inquire (finite duration, correction may interfere with physical tasks)
      • Sleep study  (finite duration)
  • Interpersonal
    • Arrange shared living space
    • Initiate Romantic Relationship
Things to cut:
  • Browsing online periodicals
  • Lying awake in bed, stewing
Things to implement
  • Task list
  • Schedule
  • Purpose-statement (finite du)
  • Budget

High-involvement task list:

- Write The Switch (define scope of commitment)
- Write, PD, Supporting "Monsterhearts" (define scope of commitment)
- Study Auditions (Need to line this up, finite duration)
- Study Acting on Camera (Sunday Evening, November)
- Study Scene-Study (Monday Evening)
- (then) Study Stage Fighting (Later, finite duration)
- (then) Parkour?
- Cardio (bike)
- Gym (reduce when commencing stage fighting)
- Meditation/Relaxation
- Titanium Wrist - Rejection? Inquire (finite duration, correction may interfere with physical tasks)
- Participate in sleep study  (finite duration)

Or, in other words:

work as a writer
train and work as an actor
maintain community involvement
take care of myself

The exercise in the book "I could do anything I want if I only knew what it was" said to think of the job you'd hate. The one that you fear would happen if you ceased to rage against the ordinary. So I do. The grinding monotonous mediocrity of food service. Or a shit desk job.

Concentrate on how that idea makes you feel

Now, think back to when you first felt it.

I was six when my father died. My family experienced, accepted the grief, and I went along with it. Going along with adults is what gifted children do. But I raged against it. Why did everyone just go with this? Death. Wrongdoing.

I decided to pray hard in the hopes that god would reunite us. And/or to learn well in the hopes of building a time machine. And/or to become the instrument of revenge and shame on the people who I felt drove him to suicide. It seems reasonably foolish in a child's naiveté, perhaps. But it is also bold. To demand change.

This insistance, this rage carried on. Through every rote assignment in school. Through every dull social event from church to concerts. Through every task that people performed because they saw no better.

This child. She does not "accept." She fights. She is the element of "change what I can" in the serenity prayer. And she won't rest. She doesn't know how. Doesn't believe in it. And her ability to build is truncated, because she's too busy trying to think her way around a problem.

But she does innovate around problems. She can solve a problem in five minutes that took Newton ten years. She can show you how to break open a corrupt organization. She can transition. She can build a different company.

But she is out of balance. Perpetually unsatisfied - because the world is not "right." Clearly, she isn't doing her job well. Existent injustice is proof of her own Sloth let free, or worse, the seed of Banality that destroys all the promise of young things.

Until she is known and thanked. Then you can start to talk with her. To work with her rather than run ragged before her.


On a date. Able to describe how my current job allows/requires me to constantly engage and innovate in anti-oppression work, just to keep the business functional.


 After dreaming of meeting my father's side of the family. Including an uncle who resembles my grandfather, and a nephew that I've never met in person, all grown and genderqueer.

A building. Military blocking the way to the fifth floor. Sneak past ont eh stairwell. The sixth - curiously devoid of olive and guns. Hiding still. Curious. Understanding that this is a dream, of sorts. Asking. And an encounter with a wise voice.

"You are doing all that you can" it says.

That's all I wanted to hear. All I've ever needed to hear.

With that in place, I am wholly able to move, to do.

I wake and am ready to lead.

Which is good, because I'm running a company.
On that note - things I've tried to do that didn't exactly work out. I should also analyze these

Mandarin class
Rosencratz and Guildenstern
Research cohousing
The Next Now, Immersive Theatre (larp)
Business degree
Community development training
Teach in Japan
Olympic Kiss-In
Work in Japan
Research cohousing
Work in progress

 Food for thought:

Accomplishments and failures over time

Read more... )
My life, ca 2015. A short vision

1. Living in an intentional community
2. Stable relationship
3. Means of feeling I am contributing to a just world
4. Creative means of making a living
5. Dog
6. Health
7. Sense of satisfaction
I'm running up against the limits of what I as a human living near full productivity can do in a day. I feel frustrated that even now, things aren't "fixed." I guess I see the world as "something that needs fixing" and myself as, thus, "that which should really go fix it."

It shows me just how big the world is, and how limited our reach. At least I'm doing something that I like.
I'm returning to Vancouver, and now with my work and surgery done, I'll finally have a lot more free schedule.

With stressful events elapsed, I'm actually able to remember what I like doing.

How long has it been?
Well, it's about fucking time.

This summer:
- Construct history/access wiki
- Finish degree (two classes)
- Date with the aim of finding an ongoing relationship - much like finding a job one supposes
- Look at revisions to living situation over the next three years
- Revise work plans track while getting involved in alternate-economy projects
- Physical activity
- Creative work - playtesting an RPG system? graphic/word work?
- Skills - guitar? Mandarin? Office software? motorcycle? sewing?
- Do more cooking for myself - and my roommate!
New Years is coming up. I find resolutions useful if I write them down and return to them, tracking my progress and forming plans.

1. Mental Health
Read more... )
2007 Resolutions in review.

  1. - Show some geek pride
IRead more... )
A few years back, I described my faith as "a crappy Buddhist."
Self denial doesn't work

I. Want:

To spend some time in a cabin that's surrounded by snow - Birkenhead maybe, anyone else want in?

To get back into kink - I attended a workshop last night - I forgot how much fun that was - I find it a bit awkward to go to a play party without someone to play with though

To find a loving relationship - feeling irritated (gah! women! oh... wait... shit.), will keep trying, appreciate suggestions and recommendations

To learn how to make more things - a trades course looms

To be a better cook and seweringpersonything - keep practicing

A cunt - better start doing research

To be doing more art - community college maybe? Or one of those electives that looms on the way to finishing my degree

To get into physical activity that will strengthen my joints instead of hurting them - signed up for softball, will try to get involved with paintball - [ I want to make a queer paintball team (the team is queer - the people on it may or may not be) just so I can make a wordplay on "Rainbow Six"]

To take some time off - told my coworkers last month that I won't be a round much this month

To get my Student Union out of the goddamn CFS - the fight starts in January and culminates in March

To get involved in co-op stuff - I think I might go intern again

You got any advice or suggestions or news, or have the same thing that you want a second person to work on keep me in mind
[I've made a little edit]

The renaming/rite/of-passage/initiation is a little less than two weeks off now and it is dawning on me that this is a pretty big deal.

With "Sasha" I let an experimental pragmatic name hang on me to see how it affected my balance, so to speak. With "Amy," I am not only taking on a new name; grafting it on rather than simply wearing it. I am not only divesting myself of "Sasha," returning it to the not-so-big pool of transitional names. I am also discarding "Graham" as a name from my extended adolescence, and shedding some of the things that go with it. Furthermore, this also doubles as an adulthood ritual (and my Archaeology assignment).

It's also a symbolic death, and judging by the countdown on my wall calendar, this particular variant of my identity has about twelve days left on this Earth.

On that note, here's what may be the most useful advice that I've picked up in the last twenty-six and some years....

Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth
        - Baz Leurman

One of the most valuable things I've learned is goal setting; which could also be called "temporal action mindfulness," but that would be silly. I would like to share this with you



August 2017

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