Dreams of an unsuccessful wrestle with the captain's mother, followed by duel with the Captain (a Crybaby-style Johnny Depp dressed like Hook) that ends with one fell slash and the smell of ruptured intestines. Victory, and an agonizing death.


Dollhouse +5 years

Dreams of a mob fleeing from South America in an APC, tracked from sattellites in league with Perrin's New America. I am Echo.

I keep having dreams where I'm in a confined space with an everyday-looking but very dangerous man. He doesn't want me to leave the car,the warehouse, whatever. So I go for the throat with whatever object is at hand - a pen, garden shears, something pointy /andor sharp. I hit my target - there's a hole where his carotid should be; his spinal cord should be severed. But her keeps coming at me, restraining.

The one I just had was long and especially awful. The attack was more clear. The outcome of not freeing myself was being tortured and executed. The space was a large industrial site. And the violence was explicit - ragged skin flaps, exposed spine - and he just kept coming, cocky as he broke my ribs.

I think this dream has been happening since transition. What is this man, the fear that creates him? A different experience of the threat of stranger violence, as a butchy passing-transsexual woman rather than as a feminine cis-looking guy? Or is my futile fight a symbol of my 90%-of-the-time inability to shake the feeling that I haven't actually transitioned, no matter what I do? Or just a straight-up desire for power over the people I'm afraid might rule society?

Also, after the dream below, I had a dream of an extremely violent fight between me and a Kick-Ass-style (i.e. armed and dangerous vigilante) Justice League.

Read more... )
(factors: 1/4 Oxycontin, 500mg acetamenophen, stool softener, large suture across my forehead, home for Christmas, thinking about the Changeling rpg as a beautiful game written by people unaware of their sheltered lives, watched the trailer for "Prometheus" which is also the name of my favorite god*.)

In my bed in the old house, the single bed, the child's bed. Night


Read more... )


It saddens me that opinion writers have a lot of theories on what causes different riots, but very rarely back those theories with proof. I'm afraid that most of this article is just one more unfounded rant.

In London, there have been some great studies mapping riot locations onto charts of local quality of life. From this, we can indeed conclude that classism (and likely racism) were a factor.... in London.

But this article has no proof to back up its claims that the riots were caused by (1) latch-key kids, (2) sexual promiscuity, (3) recreational drugs and (4) class-driven un(der)employment.

And the first three claims are ridiculous.

(1) Lax parenting: Mr. Mair, you claim a lack of parental discipline is at fault. If you look through newspaper opinion columns for as long as there have been newspapers, you'll see writers blaming riots on the new wave of lax discipline. What causes it? Maybe television. Or motor-cars. Or, according to this article... working mothers. And working mothers only seem new if one presumes that all families have money, two present/living parents, and a mother who wants to stay at home.

(2) Promiscuity: I stopped and re-read this article to double check that this article actually blamed The Pill and promiscuity. There are two problems with this.

First, "The Pill" generation was not heavily represented among the rioters - likely because they were too busy planning for retirement. Were the rioters of a promiscuous generation? I don't know, but pretty much everyone under the age of 35 hit puberty during or after the AIDS crisis. As a consequence, most of us are far more cautious and disciplined around sex than our (grand)parents ever were. As for “The Pill?” For the hetero-mating among us, "The Pill" comes after using blood tests, condoms and/or using one's mouth.

Second, if we are more promiscuous (which, as far as I can tell, just means "knowing your own sexuality through experience,") what would that have to do with riots? Unless riots are a sign of the Wrath of God.

(3) Recreational Drugs: Do you think people on MDMA/ecstasy or cannabis are going to riot? No, they are going to dance and snack.

(4) Class and unemployment? Maybe. But where's the proof linking this to the riots? Espescially in Vancouver? Have you interviewed rioters? Do you have proof that they were impoverished? How much does a Canuck's jersey cost anyway?

Here's my question: do we believe that riots are a social evil? A sign thereof? Or are they free entertainment? If they're entertainment, let us speculate all we want as to the lax moral character that has overtaken our youth since the passing of His Majesty King George IV. But if they're a sign of social problems, then we need hard data to plan a fix. This means testing our hypotheses (or at least giving them some critical thought) before we expound on them in public.

I wish the world had less of a hate on for trans folk. Especially transsexual women without cissexed-passing privilege.

That way, when it's midnight and her boots aren't in the hall, I won't try to figure out whether it's because she's house-sitting, in which case I should let her sleep. Or if I should find her /now/.
Highlight of my dream from last night:


I have cornered him. As a Chinese vampire*, he's not exactly familiar with the tradition of "staking." I explain this to him, then relate it to cultural roots of mind, body, god and earth as found in Christian Europe. As I do this, one of the people in my... squad(?) calls for my attention. Two are all making the "peaked" symbol**: Hurry up and stake him already.

Right. Pin him. Staked. Hmm... seems to still be moving. Must have missed the heart. Stake him again. Still not working. Where exactly is the heart? Between which ribs? After the sixth or eighth attempt, he seems to be in a great deal of pain.

This is awkward for both of us.

She walks over and hands me a sword.

"Oh right. Decapitation. Of course!"

I mean, that's hard to fuck up. Off with his head then.


So after scattering the pieces in the sun and seeing that they do indeed catch fire, I come back in to find that the movie (above? now?) has ended. Some sort of post-Buffy-esque action horror thing. That was our story. The credits role.

We walk out.

I am hesitant to say this. I feel like I am asking too much.

"Do you think they could put my current name up there instead of my old one? I know I don't have much [acting] experience. I don't think that it would confuse the audience that much. They just might think I was in drag or something."


* As in a postmodern western-style Vampire who is from China. Not as in a traditional Chinese vampire.

**One of the hand symbols (amongst "more information needed," "I concur," "I disagree" and "we are going off topic) used in expediting consensus decision making. We use it at work for Robert's Rules meetings with sixteen people.

Dreamsigns: sci-fi, vivid violence, commiting acts of violence which prove to be totally ineffective
More Naval-Gazing feom GDST 200

(the class is on gender, but the below extends to all manner of things)

I have realized two things about The Stages of Grief.

1. It applies to any major, less-than-welcome life change
2. It would make a good name for an alternative band, or maybe a festival of Shakespearian tragedy .

How does this read? Any improvements you'd suggest? I'm planning to see if I can get this published.
Also, I still have Rhino membership forms.

To the Right Honourable Mr. Stephen Harper,

     I am concerned by your statements to date regarding the violence between Israel and Lebanon. Israel's bold, explosive-centred, approach to peace-making is a fine example of outside-the-box thinking that will doubtlessly only win them the friends they need in the Middle East. As part of our commitment to Israel's Right to Exist™ and Middle Eastern stability overall, I see no reason why we cannot lend the aid of our military forces.
     Ideally, we should demonstrate our moral support through imitation, the most sincere form of flattery. Should we see a repeat of the 1970 October crisis - if a terrorist organization that might compromise our right to exist is believed to be operating within Quebec, and the police's polite requests for their surrender go unheeded - I think it is our duty as a peace-loving country to systematically level the suspect areas, after, like Israel, dropping warning leaflets on target areas. Leafletting is important, as it makes the subsequent deaths of the unaware, incredulous, slow, illiterate, those working night shifts, and those who die from disrupted infrastructure, stray bombs or inadequate leafletting, to be within the bounds of international law.
     This would only be one-half of leading by example. Should the United States find, or strongly suspect, a terror network to be operating in Canada, we must defend the USA's right to exist (or perhaps that of the real or imagined terror cell, depending on who has the stronger case) with all the gusto we can muster while one side obliterates areas they believe to be harbouring the leaders of the other.
     I'm sure you'll agree that all of the above is well and good. Still there remains the question: how can peace-talks between Israel and the as-yet unresponsive and diffuse leaders of Hizbolla be expedited? I suggest that Canada do its part to facilitate their participation by providing the services of its fine reserve of mediums, channelers and necromancers, as due to the efforts of the Israeli military, post-mortem communication may be the best way to reach the leaders of Hizbollah at this point.
     This leaves the question of domestic consequences. No need to worry. I believe that your support of Israel's actions will draw nothing but support from Canada's Arab voters, who will be pleased to have yet another telling example to counter the stereotype of “it's Arabs who bomb other people.”

Your Humble Servant,
Graham Fox,
President, Rhinoceros Party of British Columbia



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