Question 9: Rerdanging into your gender identity, do you ever wonder/fear/think you'll get to a point where you just want to say "Fuck it", discontinue (if even for a brief tme) anything you are doing to maintain your chosen gender appearance/biology, and just exist as you are (or have come to be)?

Funny you should mention it. I will actually be discontinuing hormones for a short time. Starting in... ten days; lasting for eighteen to twenty -two. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, but because of how I indentify, and how strongly I identify, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. But I'm only doing it because there's something greater to be had.

Q10. Also, I really liked what you had to say about religion/spirituality in your previous post. Were you raised with religion in your life? Do you have any personal issues/experiences with rejection of or from major relgion (either you reject them, or they reject you)?

Question 6 (from silverpover, who is okay with being identified)

Industrial music! What do you think of it? I've been getting into it more and more - it's like punk, but more complex, and I love synthetic music. I have pretty much since I was a little kid, playing around on her Commodore 64 (well, it was a C128, but I mostly used it in C64 mode), goddamn, they made great music with that system... okay, I'll stop now.

Short: As long as it's not harsh, I think it can be great.

Long: I don't like harsh music; music with lots of noise, or at least not added noise - cheering crowds and fingers slipping up guitar strings are good. But for me, hissing, rasping and distortion are fun only in moderation - and counterproductive when they obscure the lyrics or instrumentals.

Awesome clothing though; love the look.

7. Which ST:TNG character do you identify with the most?

Short: Wesley.

Long: That was basically me when I was watching Star Trek: bright, socializes with adults awkwardly, but better than with peers. Shit taste in clothing. Helpful. Creative.

8. Babylon 5 character?

Short: Ivanova.

Long: I liked her ability to be stubborn, blunt, sharply honest, and a clever team player. She was fatalistic without being depressive. This is basically me at work: not in charge, nor noted first and foremost, and glad that someone else can take that leading position. Working on a dozen minor background tasks, awestruck by the level of professionalism from my co-workers, and happy to beat down the CFShadows, then go for a walk to tie up loose ends before leaving, only to be replaced by someone who leaves people logging on to "jumped the shark."

5. I don't know what to ask, mostly because you honestly reply when I DO have something to ask. So I'll ask you a variation of what you asked me: What do you want people to ask you?

Short Answer: Something that I need help with or something I need to get off my chest.
Hmm... maybe "I need help" and "I need to talk" aren't exactly two separate things.

Long Answer: I think that one of the reasons that I asked people to ask me questions was that I was hoping that people would ask me something that I wanted to talk about anyway, but was afraid to bring up. This way they could provide the initiative, and I would be off the hook.

And I very much doubt that I am alone in this.

But this is a lot like expecting "someone else" to initiate sex. But at least you're dropping hints rather than just waiting.

Given this, what do I want people to ask me, and what do I need to talk about
- What I need to change in my life
- What I could do for work
- Dating, sexuality, anything to do with sex. I'm not having a lot of luck in this area.
- Personal beliefs about god. Religion. The supernatural.
- Trans shit. I write a lot, but don't talk nearly enough, considering that it's a constant state of culture shock.
- Why I act in certain ways. As in "odd ways that I may not know are odd. Thank you for pointing this out"
The first four questions.
You have five days left to ask.

1. Are you an optimist or pessimist?

Short Answer:
Increasingly optimistic. Slightly, but more healthily, pessimistic.

2. Is our civilization, as we know it, going to survive another 100 years?

Short: Absolutely not.

3. What is your opinion of religion? Good, bad? Should it stay, should it go? If it goes will there be trou- okay I'll stop.
Short: No short answer

4. Are you going to feel alienated by the beach this year?
Short: Yes, but I have a way around it.

*as in "what is is what can be touched," not as in "greed"
[there are three questions so far, but they're screened so you can't see them]

Like so many others, I'm anwering questions, including anonymous ones. I will post answers.

It can be a silly question, a curiousity question, a personal question, a crabby poking at me question, or something I should research question. (But it cannot be a CFS question. Sorry. Boundaries)

So ask anything - if nothing else, you'll get a reply as to why I won't answer.

All comments are screened. I will keep your question anonymous unless you state that you don't mind your name being on it.

This remains open for one week.

And... go.
Comment and

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something new.
3. I'll pick somethnig environmental, such as a colour, scent or sound that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what (choose category - animal, colour, element, celebrity) that you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this in your journal.

Note: I am becoming more direct and honest at the expense a certain degree of civil comfort. I will skip questions if requested. You have been warned :D

Long live the Union.
Vegans, Street mimes, Republicans and Self-Insert Star Trek Furries represent!

Tell me about something important to you, something that you do or are or believe in and get flack over, or that other people do or are or believe in and get flack over, something that most people do not appreciate and likely misconstrue, or something important to you that's popular amongst people who do it in a way that you don't. Do you hand out religious pamphlets? Have a thing for Margaret Thatcher? Play Rifts? Vote for fringe candidates? Refuse to vote? Speak of it and what it means to you. And, if you think this has application, then feel free to pass this meme on.
Greed:Very Low
Wrath:Very Low
Envy:Very Low

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz
"What makes you tick? What makes your world turn? What drives you?"

If I was a plush toy, I'd be stuffed with projects. Vast and intricate, spanning years. Five year plans. Novels. RPG books. Hand-drawn maps. Philosophical questions. Having completed a student election and my degrees as well as finding something resembling a theological conclusion in the last year, I must say that I'm a little alarmed at the rewards of closure. These include: not having a project. And sometimes praise that sounds wrong. Or steely silences. Kind of like cutting through the floor you're standing on, then getting a medal.

"What gods do you worship?"

I kneel at the altar of.... Where'd it go? Is it in the storage room? Crap, better find it. I grew up in the United Church, looked for theological answers elsewhere ('cause a child sure isn't going to find supernatural answers in liberal Christianity) and scared the living shit out of myself. The fear's still there but the answers were never around.

I want something to believe in and I may have just found a glimmer of it in COPE. That's a first. There must be a dark-robed figure that preys on the blood of children somewhere in there, but until then, I might just be happy. I hope I can be.

"What do you care about? What makes you lie awake at night?"

There's this theory that people spend their lives seeking what they lacked in adolescence. I was isolated and now I look for a social life. I think I found one.

I worry about the future: what it means, sorrows over the horizon; mine, the world's.

I wonder if I'm ever going to find something that feels right. Or maybe I'm going in the wrong direction.

"Do you run on gas, or love or hate or ambition?"

Plans. Camaraderie. Searching. Imagination. Dread.

"If an actor plays you, what is their motivation?"

You must remodel the world. You know that California could make an excellent walk-in closet. You are also moderately but comprehensively frustrated.

"Who are you?

A friend. A confidante. A counselor. An artist. A writer. A politics fan. A hobbit. A social scientist... sort of. A stander in the shadow af psychiatry. Not quite a criminal mastermind. A dog person. Other things.

"What are you?"

An ape that can do mental long division and draw.
Okay folks, what makes you tick? What makes your world turn? What drives you? What gods do you worship? What do you care about? What makes you lie awake at night? Do you run on gas, or love or hate or ambition? If an actor plays you, what is their motivation? Who are you? What are you?

Feel free to steal this and report on your own space, I will answer after I've given a little thought.



August 2017

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