What we need is hope, not vengeance.

I am consistently impressed by just how much I learn through storytelling. I built and tested a game where "theme" was a mechanic - in it, two alluring and almost-but-not-quite-oppositional principles wove themselves through the story over and over. I listed a bunch of established TV shows as examples. Hope and vengeance were he examples for BSG, a shitty world that I'd have been willing to live in at the time I watched it, because it has what I need.

And perhaps that is where I should steer my activism. Can I get the same strategic kick out of inspiring optimism as I do out of outmaneuvering and crushing an unjust opponent? Well, it's the maneuvering and outthinking that's funnest; the crushing ends the fun and leaves you around wondering what the fuck happened and what will you do now. Hope can have that. I think. Okay, well, maybe it requires a little vengeance.

But 
Hope, Elchis, - as long as you're exciting and not bland, as long as you are about innovation and not a return to a status quo, real or imagined, and as long as I get to fight, may I be yours.


Amen.

 

(or "so say we all")

...not all of which will be accomplished in 87.5 hours of time per week (plus 59.5  hours of sleep, 14 hours of basic personal care and cooking, and 7 hours of what-happened-to-the-time? for total of 168 hours in a week)
  • Work - 54 hrs/week
    • Sculpt metal through KSA studio - 46 hrs/week
      • Prep Pride-related merchandise
    • Ankors documetary - 5 hrs/week (until studio winds down, then increase time)
      • Shoot silly shorts
        • Get a copy of FCS 4 when it comes out and learn it
    • Coordinate sales of Pride merch - 3 hrs/week
  • Work-Related Skills - 9.5 + hrs/week
    • Character acting skills - 4.5 hrs/week
      • Attend co-op meetings - 0.5 hrs/week
      • Learn to use a crossbow - 1.5 hrs/week
      • Coordinate an improv meetup - 2.5 hrs/week
      • Climbing - 1.5 hrs/week (hours included in "cardio," below)
      • How do you learn to sneak?
    • Playtest Streamlined - 3.5 hrs/week
    • Study Microeconomics - 1.5 hrs/week
    • Acquire Rosetta Stone for Mandarin or Swedish and practice - as time permits
    • Hang out with intentional community types -  as time permits
  • Fun
    • Date
      • Look to something long-term
      • Also consider hooking up
    • Play
    • Install Windows boot program on Mac laptop
    • Study Dance
    • Play roleplaying and storygames
    • Play roleplaying and storygames more
    • Karate? (After wrist heals)
    • Hunting?
  • Health/Spirituality - 8 hours/week
    • Physio
      • For arm - 1 hr/day (can coincide with conversation or passive entertainment)
      • For knee
    • Listen to body re: sunlight and sleep
    • Time frivolous/unrewarding computer-use (max 100 minutes/day)
    • Always take one day off per week.
      • No work (other than ceramic dips).
      • No book-study
    • Meditate - 1/2 hour 2/week = 1hr/week
    • Lucid dreaming?
    • ASC work?
    • Eat better
      • Veggies and protein for breakfast
      • Fewer carbs at lunch
      • More calcium (enriched orange juice, cereals)
      • Remember: I'm lactose-intolerant
      • Analyze diet, consider supplementing
    • Develop a gym routine - 3 hrs/week
      • Cardio
      • Complete 200 Sit-Ups program, add sit-up regimen to routine
      • After physio returns arm to norm-spectrum function, complete 100 push-ups program, add push-up regimen to routine
      • See trainer re: other fitness exercises
    • Transitiony things - 4+ hrs/week
      • Electrolysis - 3hrs/week with commute
      • Blood test, hormones - 1.5hrs, 1/3 months
      • Dilate - 1hr/week
  • Other
    • Arrange housing
      • for later in Nelson
      • and in Vancouver
    • Pack a lunch or go home for it
I'm returning to Vancouver, and now with my work and surgery done, I'll finally have a lot more free schedule.

With stressful events elapsed, I'm actually able to remember what I like doing.

How long has it been?
Well, it's about fucking time.

This summer:
- Construct history/access wiki
- Finish degree (two classes)
- Date with the aim of finding an ongoing relationship - much like finding a job one supposes
- Look at revisions to living situation over the next three years
- Revise work plans track while getting involved in alternate-economy projects
- Physical activity
- Creative work - playtesting an RPG system? graphic/word work?
- Skills - guitar? Mandarin? Office software? motorcycle? sewing?
- Do more cooking for myself - and my roommate!
Looking forward over the next months and years, I can see a lot of long-term endeavors that have structured my life coming to an end.

And then what?

Let's keep in mind that structure, purpose and meaning are a matter of perception.

I started asking myself this question just shy of two years ago. I stopped thinking of what I should do (whatever that means), and instead turned towards what I want. Or what makes me happy. Or whatever is worth it to me.
1. "Axum" is a new Ethiopian restaurant near the Northeast corner of Clark and Hastings. It has 9 vegan options, 7 of which were available when I was there. You can get any 3 with injera for $10. It's tasty. There's an Ethiopian place near 12th too. It's good as well.

2. I am finding success in getting over my habit of conserving useful consumables. Example: as a child, I wouldn't eat my halloween candy, I'd just save it until it went stale. I don't understand where this comes from. Was there some kind of environmental trigger? I never went hungry. Maybe it's instinctual.

3. I am finding that it's easier to tie together polyhedral (as in "many surfaces") information. I've heard people accredit this to hormones, but by ts timing, I think that it has something to do with not being depressed.

4. I am finding that I actually enjoy embodied activities now, when before there I was a lot more ambivolent. I really enjoyed lifting weights at the gym.

5. I am seriously looking forward to getting on to the next stage of Stuff I Want to Do. I won't be working full time at the union, so I'll be able to do more stuff. The prospect of idleness still scares me though.
Happy New Year all.

Nineday is the close of week zero and a good time for summaries and resoultions:
Thus... )

In other news: to date, four people have stated that "Sasha" doesn't sound, or simply isn't, an androgynous name. Two said it's a boy's name; two, a girl's.
I got into all my classes on the first pass. This is a considerable improvement over "register the Thursday before term starts."

GDST 301 - Queer Genders - 'cause that's my focus in more than one sense,
BUSI 251 - Financial Accounting - everyone needs an accountant (I'm compulsively useful), plus it's a credits for FT business
BISC 100 - Basic Biology - for Health Sciences and personal fulfilment
BUSI 272 - Group Behaviour in Organizations - I get to study making people do things in small groups, plus it's a business credit
HCSI 4?? - Adolescant Health - to see if I actually want to be in Health Sciences, plus it sounds fun

And I am now registered in the SFU system as "Sen. Graham (Sasha) Fox."

(dances without leaving chair)

The possibly half-assed plan is that if I have no work next semester, I take 'em all. I am working on the assumption that only Queer and Health will be heavy, and BISC should be easy. This may change, and a classmay go.
If I have part-time work, or just come to the conclusion that this will be too much, Health Sciences and/or a business goes.

So. If I take Stat 270, challenge Microenomics, do a self-paced chem 12, and take Business Computing, that makes me ready for both business and Health Sciences. But that's a ways off.

Also: my roomate stabs straight at the Heart of the World.
I am pleased and relieved to say this --> I met with Dr. Vosloo on Tuesday, and got a referral for blood-work.

I had a dream some years ago; the best one to date. I think it was in January of 2004.

Along the length of hallways with short stairs at the corners, I was stepping through large silvery mirrors to check/spy(?) on people while they slept. I stepped into my own domicile. I saw myself in the mirror and I looked half like my uncle, meaning I was fifty then. The grey sheets were ruffled and the sun creaked through the wide window, my wife had gotten up.

I think we slept in the same bed, but mostly in shifts - I had been up for awhile. We did this, she rose to work after I had written in the night.

I went out onto the main floor? It was like a large supermarket, an Overwaitea or whatever with corrugated brown metal on the ceilings high above. Stalls of some sort dotted it, one L-shaped unit held breakfast for the masses walking in in the early morning. I got a mild blue bubble tea and an electric blue jellabee for her before she went to her stall to be doctor at a walk-in.

We spoke shortly and I was to go out to the rest of the community that was once the UBC campus. To the North, I waited for a middle-aged woman to answer the door because she was behind on her rent or something.

This was good in the sense that it was complete: work, hobby, community, relationship and a just society.

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August 2017

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