"I now have a lot more respect for 14-year-old boys"

- participant at a transgender support group


I empathize. Both he and I were/are dealing with having the hormonal oscillations of an adolescant member of our preferred gender.

All this crazy hormone shit is good - it's really good - but it's interesting and, at times, six kinds of intense.

There are ramifications to this dissolution of boundaries. If who 'I am' is an arbitrary midpoint between a cell and an ecosystem, between a moment's stray thought and a universe alive with cognition, then 'my' existence or nonexistence is basically unimportant. "I" am a bucket full of water in an ocean, minus the physical bucket.

More to the point, if all thought and feeling are one then I am a component of a larger soul; a component predisposed to thinking of itself as separate. What am I praying to then? Is the left pinky kneeling before the rest of the body, hoping to receive a glimpse of its wisdom or power?

Death? Unimportant: an evolutionarily programmed fear of the termination of a self that really doesn't really exist. The point where homeostasis stops is akin to the point where you whang your head on alow door and it stings and you lose a brain cell or two. My memories and personality cease but those are not fundamentally different from what I have done in the world. "My" actions leave traces in this brain called mine and in the world around it. There is no oblivion nor an afterlife, just a self-obsessed leaf drying up and falling off.

Selfishness? Foolishness: a calculation based on mislayed boundaries. A mistake. Not evil, just stupid. Kind of like selling your left hand for money or trying to cheat your toes..

God? You, me, everyone, everything. What's left when you remove imaginary barriers. Admittedly, this leaves us without an infinitely wise or more powerful being, but it also puts it within touching distance. Hell, it puts it within circulation distance.

So then: what's been distracing me is a stab at a solution to that "God, Ethics and The Afterlife" question.

I and we

Nov. 2nd, 2005 10:57 pm
So, where I'm going with this talk of evolution and cognition, where I have gone with this, is what if our concepts of individualty are just... arbitrary? A paradigm of 'me' and 'you' and 'her' and 'him' and 'they' and 'y'all' and 'us' founded in our nature, circularly bolstered by a self-interest without a real self to back it up? It looks that way.
                                                        I do not exist. Neither do you.

So if all these words are just convenient handles, then what are we?
Or rather what is "we?" What meaning does it have? Where are the borders of identity? The KMM crowd? Humans? Sapient life-forms? An ecosystem with perceiving/affecting components? A universe with... whatever.
                                                  Walls fall, then the roof follows

Who am I? What is I? What is the fundamental unit of identity? My body? My brain? Parts of it but not others? This part here and this part there as one... or two seeparate? A waking day? A few moments of thought?
                                            Now I'm winking in...  (you see me)
                                                      ...now out      (you don't)

What are the edges of thought? Of feeling? Of soul? We are islands in the deep, yes. But islands like this are just the tips along vast ranges of mountains. The water is a barrier unless you can become a fish.

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August 2017

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