The Fanstastic Ms. Fox

Are envy and sex naturally intertwined?; two branches grown around each other; two snakes mating.

I know this isn't a healthy way to feel, but I need to acknowledge it.

I do a half-ass job of serious complaining. I'm not very good at having a healthy relationship with periods in my life where bad shit happened. I'm poor at saying "That was bad. I didn't deserve it. Now I'll deal with it."

Instead I'll say things like "It really bothers me when things like that happen to other people. What can I do to make sure that other people don't have to go through that."

I still don't know what underlies it. The need to feel in control? A lack of language to acknowledge what is, frankly, my experience at what can most succinctly be described as getting screwed over? The belief that since I have one form of priveledge on my side, that I can't take isse with other deficiencies? There. I said it.

I have a lot of good things going, and, yeah, I get it that others have it worse, but that's not a useful attitude to deal with rough patches: it teaches us that we have no right to feel angry or sad for ourselves as long as someone else is having a rougher time. Who is this singular person who is actually the worst off of all? Could they plesae stand up, or are they too weak from hunger, thirst, public ridicule, nervous disorders, and being pinned under an angry walrus? What do they tell themselves? It could, hypothetically speaking, get worse?

No. No. No. We need to I need to say "this sucks."

And then, maybe (read: "probably;" read "or soon, but I need to concentrate on this"), once I get that out, I'll say "okay then. let's fix it."

So I'm going to complain, and I will do so unapologetically.