The Fanstastic Ms. Fox

More trans stuff.
I mostly write this for myself, but you're welcome to read it. Especially if you need it.

I didn't write the following lyrics though: they're from "Feelin' Good" by Nina Simone

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom in the tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Years after the sustained bullying at the hands of my classmates, I have still not acquired the knack of putting up with a room full of people intent on tearing me down.

No wait.

What I lack is the ability to try to do productive work in a room where a fair number of people are intent on giving me shit, a few blame me for the fact that others are giving me shit, and the remainder are split between just letting it happen so long as it's to someone else, or just don't know how to stop it.

I think that very few people have this knack.

"Just ignore them."

It's hard to do. It's hard to watch my body shake from hours of sustained attack.

But I pulled it off during the renaming! What was different?

The renaming was a mix of rational debate and blatant unfairness, while the CFS meeting deliberately blurred the lines. Considering that past CFS meeting rhetoric borders on the Orwellian (to paraphrase only slightly: "when the bylaws say that elections are in 'Fall,' they mean that they should be held in the Spring.'") you can see how this could occur.


Good. Good. Another tough lesson.

What does help is knowing that there is a world outside of CFS meetings, where the people I know are supportive, rational and kind, even when (or especially when) they disagree with me.

You know who you are. Thanks.



That reminds me. I've got to finish off the renaming. I'm tired of my supernature/religious narrative telling me that I'm still "dead." Conveniently, spending time at the CFS meeting will allow me to take a day or two off sometime this month.

Quite the party last night!

I'm still posting transgender stuff on my journal, but there'll be another shift in character.


1 - I began in August and September with "holy shit, I think I'm trans - is this right?"


2 - This segued into "Okay.... What does this feel like? How do I deal with it?"


3 - Then came navigating the medical system and starting to fiddle with my appearance.

At present, this involves looking at long-term health issues, nutrition, and surgical options. I'm also getting carry papers (documents stating "yes this person is female") and doing a legal name change.


4 - Following this came the hormones and their effect on me. I'm a little disappointed to know that I'm on or very near to a full dose, and there won't be any other sudden changes in my biochemical-cognitive interaction.

My dreams continue to be shockingly vivid (progesterone). Even when waking, I can no longer ignore my subconscious, and even overlooking it is a feat. I have more energy and am happier - I think this is what it feels like when you're starting to be not depressed instead of fighting depression. It's been more than half my life since I could say that. Trans ain't the only reason for this, but it goes a long way.


5 - Now I'm into a stage of presenting, with or without effort, as decidedly female and noting how this feels - what the reactions are, how I feel about those, and how feeling and perception interect. This is where the sociologist is happy and the shy girl is intimidated.

More to come, of course.



On a side not, I'm thinking of a remaning party in late August that could also serve as a community right-of-passage party.

Done something notable in the last year? Graduated? Changed something important? Want to announce something? Have a request for the community? Comment and we can maybe it can be worked in.