A classmate of mine is fond of internet stalking. She was kind enough to let me know that my "Facebook photos arne't secured." I don't know how many she went though, but in actuality, only some of them were visible to her: mostly ones from about one to two years ago. I don't know how many she looked at, if any, or what she thought of it. She's given no feedback. The photos in question are early transition and pre-transition. I left them open to members of the University network because, hey, I went through three names administrating the student society, so what's the point of hiding it from the people who voted for me under said names?

That was a while ago.

Going through and irreversably de-indexing each photo was burning the past:
- Uncomfortable in its resemblance to burning books.
- Welcome in its similarity to burning a body before it putrifies.

The age of ubiquitous computing, user-generated indexed content, and/or panoptic surveillance, redefines the closet. It's harder to keep secrets, and easier to uncovering them, even accidentally. .

With cameras everywhere, all it takes is one person's mouseclick to capture and index your image to make that moment, or at least one cropped-and-lit angle of it, accessable to everyone who might want to know.

I hope this will pan out into a more honest society. Where we realize that we all have bad hair days, and we all did some stupid things in our youth. Where we recognize that honesty is vulnerability is strength; that seeing another's naked face is an opportunity to smile warmly, not to judge harshly.

I look forward to the day when politicians can honestly say "Yes I toked up. Then I failed the exam." and people will shrug, and begrudge whomever miguses it as an attack.

But we haven't quite made the shift yet.
[This is not about current events in my life, but refers to a general trend that I have noticed over several years - one which I have sometimes exacerbated]

Online dating takes communication out of the nest of reciprocity that defines most of our social world.
Confer: Ursula Franklin's "Real World of Technology"

This specializes it for specific appliactions: blind dating; meeting someone who your friends don't know.; if you want a certain degree of anonimity (kinky, queer, cheating, high-proifle, and/or just shy).

It also makes it kinda crappy for fostering ongoing relationships. The vast bulk of my human relationships develop and are sustained via  a social backing: work; school; volunteering; religion; recreation; overlapping social circles; living nearby. These systems support our interactions. They give us something to talk about. They put us together week after week. They provide coworkers, fellow students, club members and so on to ask where the other person is.

Without these things, our normal relationship skills are often not sufficent. We do not notice that it's been awhile since we've seen so-and-so because we usually don't see so-and-so - their absence is normal, provoking no sense of loss. If we deprioritize communicating with them, it does not affect our interactions with them. We will not spontaneously encounter them. They can be in our lives... or not. Either or.

That I overlooked this set of problems stems from assuming that communication has an essential form; that it exists in an ideal state like Plato's chair; contextless, like Aphrodite coming to be by rising out of sea foam; that you can date however you like and it will be about the same. But communication is not a default thing that can be plugged into different media. A tongue or a keyboard, a long aquaintance or a blind-date are all different things, despite our wish to be free of context.
To my surprise, a comment on the last post of this blog just got linked off of a branch of Maclean's.

This means that if you have commented on an unfiltered post, people who you didn't expect to be reading it may now be doing so.

I imagine that, in most cases, there should be no problem. Still, while both my post and your comment were technically public, you may not have been expecting this when you gave your input. For this reason, if anyone would like me to do so, I am entirely willing to strike or screen any such past comments, and can re-post them anonymously or not as you see fit. Just email me or ask me in person.

My family tends to read the news, and this leads me to appreciate that I decided to come out to most of them over the last fortnight. Otherwise this could be a bit awkward.

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August 2017

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