(no subject)

[the_fantastic_ms_fox]

(Edit: This is not expressing anger at anyone who is reading this. Some of the problem events are well in the past, so if you didn't get an invite, it may be that I didn't know you at the time. The current problem is a focus group where I have to limit the number of invitees.)

I hold an event, or a series thereof.

People tell me they're interested.

I invite them.

They don't don't show up.

They say it sounds like fun and that they'll come in the future.

Sometimes people even stop me in the street to say that they've heard about this thing I'm doing. And that they like whatever I'm hosting; that they've been meaning to attend. Or that they'd like to come, and they ask if they can.

"Yes, of course," I say.

But I still wind up waiting for no-one to show up, then finding something else to do.


Frustrated.

A little hurt.

I don't get it.


Is it Vancouver?

I didn't have this trouble in Nelson.
I hear it's not like this in Toronto, Montreal.

It's not just matter of the number of invites, because I see other people draw regular attendance.

Even here, I see other people who run weekly events so popular that their apartment windows fog with collective breath. Usually they involve watching movies. Is that the missing piece? Movies?

That's part of it, but I've seen movies packed or empty.

So, other than the location, what's the difference? I see other people who have the same problem, and I compare them to those who do not. The difference seems to be I see that colourful, dramatic, boisterous people get attendance and people who are more reserved and calm do not.

Is this it?

If so, why? Are people reasonably certain that the settled personality will host again, because they're a regular sort, while the exhuberant may not? Or do people just not notice the former?

Thinking of dying my hair green.

Not because of this problem, but I wonder if it won't affect it.

Comments

[donnaidh-sidhe.livejournal.com]

Er...event? First I've heard of it...

[hundun.livejournal.com]

Storygame. My place. Last few Mondays. Next as well, but then I don't know what city I'll be in. You're welcome to come. Thought I overbooked, so I didn't invite more people.

[hundun.livejournal.com]

Prior to this, ran a transgender discussion meet-up. People kept stopping to say "that sounds awesome - I've been meaning to come." But don't show.

[breklor.livejournal.com]

It could be Vancouver. It's not like I have lived in any other cities to be able to tell, but based on other folks' reporting, maybe.

I have noticed that people have no respect for the meaning of "Will attend" on Facebook. Me, I respond to everything as "Might attend" unless I am absolutely sure I can or cannot make it, or definitely do not want to attend. But IME whenever someone throws an event through Facebook, they will invariably get 50-80% of the "will attends", and some random percentage of the "maybes", and often a few "nots".

[koppermoon.livejournal.com]

I second the "it might be Vancouver" notion, as I have heard a lot of the same.
Similar to breklor, I hit the "might attend" 80-90% of the time:
1. If I'm not absolutely sure
2. If it's beyond my planning horizon (which has been pretty short of late)
3. If I just want to keep the event in mind as a possibility or to be reminded that everyone else I know will be attending that-other-event-I'm-not-going-to.

If I'm absolutely sure I can't/won't attend then I say so right away.

Which leaves a really small percentage of "will attend", for me, because I think this is just good etiquette as well as a good grasp of reality.

I'm not sure if it's lack of respect, or just lack of knowledge of how fb works. If you say "no", the event will still be on your list, so you're quite safe to do so.

[bloodykitty.livejournal.com]

It's the complete disrespect for the host's time that really gets me. If you're not motivated to show up, don't make someone plan for your attendance. That makes you an asshole.

[sciencequeen.livejournal.com]

I used to think it was Vancouver, but it seems to be common everywhere.

What I do agree with is "The difference seems to be I see that colourful, dramatic, boisterous people get attendance and people who are more reserved and calm do not."

But I also think a lot of it is completely random. Nothing makes me more infuriated than this particular problem and feeling like there's almost nothing I can do to affect it. Sometimes it's time of year, sometimes there are too many things happening at once, but most of the time, it seems like people they think they are being LESS of a jerk by being non-committal than just outright saying "sorry I can't make it". I think a lot of people don't get that being dependable some of the time is a lot better than not being dependable all of the time.

*hugs*

[plaidalicious.livejournal.com]

When I say I'll be there, I almost always am.

I don't commit until I know a place and location, however, so I can see how difficult it is for me to attend.
I've transitioned in behaviour from colourful and boisterous to more reserved and calm over the years, and my events have shrunk. You may be on to something there. I've also stopped attending as many events in general.

Events I've done this with you, and I know there have been a couple, I've never been given the exact dates or locations for (it's always one or the other), and I've felt rude sending a prompt, since I'm kinda horning in, in the first place. I've generally figured the event was full, or the meeting-place was. I don't like being pushy, and end up disappointing, it seems, due to not wanting to do the opposite, and be unwelcome.