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Jun. 19th, 2008 10:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
the_fantastic_ms_foxI've been trying to cultivate a better sense of compassion of late and I'm impressed by its value. I don't mean it's ability to be all lovey and healing, but in it's more quantifiable applications. Or maybe I'm confusing it with empathy. Or maybe compassion is empathy with a little analysis and practice thrown in.
Seeing people as whole individuals with motives and stories, trying to understand them and where they're coming from, is great for:
- Having emotionally baring conversations
People know they can telly you really awkward things and you'll nod and say either, "yeah that makes sense" or "Okay. Can you tell me why you do that?" and then say "yeah that makes sense." This is really awesome.
- Negotiation and resolving disputes
People like to see that you'll make the effort to see where they come from. Just the effort is enough to get two sides at a table. Actuallypulling this understanding off makes mutual problem-solving one hell of a lot faster.
- Writing or playing convincing characters
Seeing characters not as tropes or types, but as ongoing self-narratives is what makes the difference between real people and stock props with faces. It kinda nixes the idea of good versus evil though.
- Ugly political fights
If the other side (typcially one with more power, money and social captial) is being consistantly inconsiderate assholes, understanding why they're doing it will help you try to make peace. If that fails, empathy-in-practce will allow you to head off every argument and strategy. It's uncomfortable to be in a nasty battle when you also see why the other side is invisted in it, but when you realize that we tried to have negotiation, but they kept throwing it back in our faces, you start to feel okay with putting them through the ringer until they smarten up or go away. And you're ready to make peace after the fact as soon as they are.
Yes this last one is about the CFS. Are we making peace yet? We go to court in July.
Seeing people as whole individuals with motives and stories, trying to understand them and where they're coming from, is great for:
- Having emotionally baring conversations
People know they can telly you really awkward things and you'll nod and say either, "yeah that makes sense" or "Okay. Can you tell me why you do that?" and then say "yeah that makes sense." This is really awesome.
- Negotiation and resolving disputes
People like to see that you'll make the effort to see where they come from. Just the effort is enough to get two sides at a table. Actuallypulling this understanding off makes mutual problem-solving one hell of a lot faster.
- Writing or playing convincing characters
Seeing characters not as tropes or types, but as ongoing self-narratives is what makes the difference between real people and stock props with faces. It kinda nixes the idea of good versus evil though.
- Ugly political fights
If the other side (typcially one with more power, money and social captial) is being consistantly inconsiderate assholes, understanding why they're doing it will help you try to make peace. If that fails, empathy-in-practce will allow you to head off every argument and strategy. It's uncomfortable to be in a nasty battle when you also see why the other side is invisted in it, but when you realize that we tried to have negotiation, but they kept throwing it back in our faces, you start to feel okay with putting them through the ringer until they smarten up or go away. And you're ready to make peace after the fact as soon as they are.
Yes this last one is about the CFS. Are we making peace yet? We go to court in July.
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Date: 2008-06-20 05:04 am (UTC)Also; you have a good way of listening. It's easy to talk to you. At least, I find it so.