Last few years, it was: "A nice guy and an ally in reforming/eliminating all the shit that's wrong with gender. See look, I'm taking Women's Studies, and I volunteer for Out-on-Campus, and I correct my friends when they caricateurize femisists and I'm very careful about not expressing unwanted sexual interest and so on."
So, I need to ask: Do you think that people with priviledge deserve medals for doing work (which is, in our case, not a survival mechanism but a chosen response to inequality) to make the world a better place? Like, I try to work on my sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, able-ism etc because I think it's a GOOD IDEA, and I want to reduce my social harm in the world: If there are any social rewards from such behaviour, they are that certain people might feel more comfortable around me and trust me more, that I might educate others and make them think, that I might create small social change, and maybe maybe maybe if I'm lucky, people will realise that despite my background, appearance, heritage, class, gender, physical ability that are classically aligned with 'everything that gets THEM DOWN' they MIGHT realise that I am on their side. It's 'thankless' work, and the last thing we should do is expect people, in their struggle, to expend vast amounts of energy that they are using to get by day-by-day to kiss our pasty white asses.
I'm going to re-post this in my journal as "why being an ally means you shut up and just do the work."
And it still seems that the answer is "not a hell of a lot." And when I see an act that is complaining about being in a position that I am putting a lot of time, work, money and risk into doing and to hell with the consequences, /even if what they say is totally justified/, it still /feels/ like someone complaining about their yacht being too small.
You're joining a minority, Sasha, and you still pass as the majority. As you get further into your medical and social transition, people will see you more as transitioning, and eventually, as a 'woman', or at least a catagory that is 'not-man'. (I'm adding this because you will encounter people who don't view transitioning/genderchange as a valid process.)
Minorities, in my experience, are actually more viscious and rigid about gatekeeping, because 'who we are' is an area that X group is still attempting to define for themselves in a positive/self-determining way. As well, there is a sentiment that one who willingly joins a minority has not earned the right to be there, unless you undergo X amount of oppression, that you 'don't get it', that you 'don't know what it's like', that the minority members cannot trust you because they arn't sure of your loyalties. If I was in this mindspace, an interrogation of you, for example, would be: "How can I trust that you will not come here, with your agenda from your point of priviledge, and how can I trust that you're willing to give that priviledge up, and how can I trust you to be part of our community and commit to that, as we who have no alternative have commited to it?"
This is a sad, viscious truth about minorities and in-groups, and it's one I want to see worked on in the future, but for now you, as a transitioning white-able bodied male-born person, and myself as a white able-bodies, gender-conforming bisexual(ish) female (and I am in some ways as suspect or more suspect than you) need to deal with when socializing, working and living within some communities.
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branchandroot
Re: I want to develop that compassion sage character understanding that Leguin shows.
Date: 2007-04-09 07:37 pm (UTC)So, I need to ask: Do you think that people with priviledge deserve medals for doing work (which is, in our case, not a survival mechanism but a chosen response to inequality) to make the world a better place? Like, I try to work on my sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, able-ism etc because I think it's a GOOD IDEA, and I want to reduce my social harm in the world: If there are any social rewards from such behaviour, they are that certain people might feel more comfortable around me and trust me more, that I might educate others and make them think, that I might create small social change, and maybe maybe maybe if I'm lucky, people will realise that despite my background, appearance, heritage, class, gender, physical ability that are classically aligned with 'everything that gets THEM DOWN' they MIGHT realise that I am on their side. It's 'thankless' work, and the last thing we should do is expect people, in their struggle, to expend vast amounts of energy that they are using to get by day-by-day to kiss our pasty white asses.
I'm going to re-post this in my journal as "why being an ally means you shut up and just do the work."
You're joining a minority, Sasha, and you still pass as the majority. As you get further into your medical and social transition, people will see you more as transitioning, and eventually, as a 'woman', or at least a catagory that is 'not-man'. (I'm adding this because you will encounter people who don't view transitioning/genderchange as a valid process.)
Minorities, in my experience, are actually more viscious and rigid about gatekeeping, because 'who we are' is an area that X group is still attempting to define for themselves in a positive/self-determining way. As well, there is a sentiment that one who willingly joins a minority has not earned the right to be there, unless you undergo X amount of oppression, that you 'don't get it', that you 'don't know what it's like', that the minority members cannot trust you because they arn't sure of your loyalties. If I was in this mindspace, an interrogation of you, for example, would be: "How can I trust that you will not come here, with your agenda from your point of priviledge, and how can I trust that you're willing to give that priviledge up, and how can I trust you to be part of our community and commit to that, as we who have no alternative have commited to it?"
This is a sad, viscious truth about minorities and in-groups, and it's one I want to see worked on in the future, but for now you, as a transitioning white-able bodied male-born person, and myself as a white able-bodies, gender-conforming bisexual(ish) female (and I am in some ways as suspect or more suspect than you) need to deal with when socializing, working and living within some communities.