A rough and tumble pioneer talk about that drive to external validations of gender... yup

[the_fantastic_ms_fox]

I'm throwing one stone and killing three birds:
1. This, and other gender-related articles will show up here because I need to print them out for class.
2. At the same time, I can use writing these articles as a way to help me sort out my own issues.
3 Other people with questions and/or similar issues can, in time, come here and read; there ain't a lot out there on this end of things y'see.
Ta da!

I feel the need to say this, because, like I said earlier, my years of work building the CPR railway... or was it my time as a Zulu warrior... or the time I was the dowager behind the Medici throne? Anyway, something's gone done inculcated in me the idea that if I show weakness, the wolves will eat me. So this is not here as a sympathy bid (even though the primary function of LJ is to maintain collective bitching in the event of a Soviet Nuclear Strike - "OMG, I hate radioactive fallout too!!! >:P"). I'm here to solve a problem, keep y'all in the loop in a matter that's probably a bit hard to wrap your head around ('cause lord know I'm having a time of it), see if y'all have any input ("you need to eat more zinc"), and provide a resource for others who're wading through the mindfuck.

I'll break down crying when I see you in person.

There. Tough, decisive public face confirmed. Grrrrrr.

I choose 749½ on the Bornstein Oracle Amy Fox - 200063151, Septemeber 26th, 2006

A month back, I was questioning my own gender and coming up short on answers. Asking around, I found plenty of websites, a few books and the GVRD transgender health program, with ties to a couple of group therapy sessions. All were ready to give some kind of emotional support, and/or aid in transition, but none were willing to posit that they could answer (or, in some cases, help me answer) the question "what gender am I?"

The best offer I could find in terms of qualifying my gender were two tests that took a stab at confirming, denying, or suggesting one or another form of transgender identity. These two tests were Borstein's, and the COGIATI¹, the latter being aimed at bio-males who have come to question their gender identity. Looking behind the COGIATI, I found that it's based on outmoded ideas, and its scales and index remain uncalibrated by solid research. Still, I hear it's popular. Why? If you're biologically male and questioning, it decisively sorts your gender into five categories: Definite Male (who only thinks he might be trans because he doesn't know how to interpret his crossdressing), Feminine Male, Androgyne, Probable Transsexual, and Classic Transsexual. This scale is very similar to an old cisgender/transvestite/transgender-pathology scale which was in turn, akin to Kinsey's seven-point scale, which was derived from a Lickert scale, which allows one to record a subject's agreement or disagreement with a statement as an ordinal variable. Each scale tries to appear scientific in name, and each draws on the authourity of an older scale, which is ultimately legitimated by its ties to statistical analysis.

Bornstein's test, on the other hand, is a deliberate parody of self-testing one's gender, yet multiple online sources recommended it to me. I imagine that this has something to do with Online Anglophone culture's taste for amusing self-tests. I wonder how much this extends to putting faith in them?

The closest alternative test-equivalent that comes to mind is one's adherence to the description of transsexualism found in the DSM-IV. While not quantitative, it's carries a strong streak of expert authourity. Unfortunately, since it's a diagnostic manual, all it tells you is whether you're sick in the head or not - at least until the DSM V, where the transsexualism will likely be re-named, re-defined and re-categorized; or possibly removed altogether.

Does it seem strange that I'd ask someone else to not just clarify, but qualify my identity, like it was a tax return? It shouldn't: our society revolves on this habit. We turn to categorization through quantification to confirm our (gendered) identities: grades make or break us as students; money defines our class; age assigns our generation and measures our success; height and weight speak to our health and beauty; placing in a contest speaks to our skill. We might see how much we can bench press, take our measurements, run through the "How Good are You in Bed?" checklist, or ask how long it's been since we got laid. We extend this to others: we run medical tests on athletes to see if they're free of anabolic (and androgenic) steroids, and/or a "Y" chromosome; we read personal ads where age, height, weight and race are laid out clearly and cleanly.

We use tests to access authoritative judgment because we're taught that their inanimate and quantitative character makes them impartial, accurate and objective. This begins in elementary school where we learn that a test is composed by, administered by and important to the teacher: an expert and authority figure. We come to assume that paper sheets with little boxes, and the numbers they give us, are our window to some combination of The Truth and a way to make the boss happy. It's a Haraway-style God-Trick.

Realizing this, I got halfway through Bornstein's test, said "screw this," read the rest without keeping score, and picked my own tally: when it comes to my own gender, I'm, regretfully, the only expert.

1http://transsexual.org/TEST0.html