Do transsexuals dream of gendered sheep?
Mar. 29th, 2008 09:18 pmAs I mentioned earlier, my gender in my dreams is catching up to my self-concept in waking life.
Back in the day, I'd have the odd lucid dream - a few a year. And changing my sex was one of the things that I'd try to effect. It never worked well. Always incomplete or interrupted by waking or otherwise destabilizing to the dream or me I guess. Limited. Frustrating; not in the aggravating sense, so much as in the eating-at-your-heart sense.
Then I had a dream or two wherein I was female. And different ancestries as well, I think. But I was someone else, somewhere else. Decidedly so. Still, I remember remembering them fondly.
After sorting things out and going into transition I was still almost always male.
A year or so later, the fact that I was transsexual started creeping into my dreams.
There were one or two where I was definitely transitioning, but so what? I was still female.
Most recently, after the end of the CFS thing has given my brain time to catch up, my dream-self is going to "female, full stop." Transitioning or cisgendered hasn't come up. It's nice. When this occurs, I have been a myself as a woman who gets mistaken for a man - much like real life, except that people are a lot more up-front about it (i.e. squeezing a breast without invitation), and I am more upfront about being female (by saying "uh... actually I'm a girl").
Irregular, bumpy, but progressing. Like a stock chart.
I am grateful for this change.
Back in the day, I'd have the odd lucid dream - a few a year. And changing my sex was one of the things that I'd try to effect. It never worked well. Always incomplete or interrupted by waking or otherwise destabilizing to the dream or me I guess. Limited. Frustrating; not in the aggravating sense, so much as in the eating-at-your-heart sense.
Then I had a dream or two wherein I was female. And different ancestries as well, I think. But I was someone else, somewhere else. Decidedly so. Still, I remember remembering them fondly.
After sorting things out and going into transition I was still almost always male.
A year or so later, the fact that I was transsexual started creeping into my dreams.
There were one or two where I was definitely transitioning, but so what? I was still female.
Most recently, after the end of the CFS thing has given my brain time to catch up, my dream-self is going to "female, full stop." Transitioning or cisgendered hasn't come up. It's nice. When this occurs, I have been a myself as a woman who gets mistaken for a man - much like real life, except that people are a lot more up-front about it (i.e. squeezing a breast without invitation), and I am more upfront about being female (by saying "uh... actually I'm a girl").
Irregular, bumpy, but progressing. Like a stock chart.
I am grateful for this change.