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the_fantastic_ms_foxI had a lot of trouble telling people I trusted, even the militantly queer ones. My response to being MtF was to shut it down and shut it up at all costs. Keeping it quiet became an integral part of being <i>me</i>.
Part of the fear is that if you tell it at all, to anyone, you will hear it yourself. This will let it out into the world, making it real, and into something that you cannot ignore. You can't un-come-out-to-yourself. And when you cannot ignore it, you cannot deny it. And when you start to honour it, then others will see it, and then all the things we've been told to hate may just come rushing in on you.
Thus, silence is a common coping strategy. The fear of relating it to a trusted person is not reasonable, but it's part of a larger trend of beig afraid to say it at all.
In other words, it probably has nothing to do with you. Blame society. Seriously.
Part of the fear is that if you tell it at all, to anyone, you will hear it yourself. This will let it out into the world, making it real, and into something that you cannot ignore. You can't un-come-out-to-yourself. And when you cannot ignore it, you cannot deny it. And when you start to honour it, then others will see it, and then all the things we've been told to hate may just come rushing in on you.
Thus, silence is a common coping strategy. The fear of relating it to a trusted person is not reasonable, but it's part of a larger trend of beig afraid to say it at all.
In other words, it probably has nothing to do with you. Blame society. Seriously.