In grade six, I learned that the mind/body is fallible

[the_fantastic_ms_fox]

Years after the sustained bullying at the hands of my classmates, I have still not acquired the knack of putting up with a room full of people intent on tearing me down.

No wait.

What I lack is the ability to try to do productive work in a room where a fair number of people are intent on giving me shit, a few blame me for the fact that others are giving me shit, and the remainder are split between just letting it happen so long as it's to someone else, or just don't know how to stop it.

I think that very few people have this knack.

"Just ignore them."

It's hard to do. It's hard to watch my body shake from hours of sustained attack.

But I pulled it off during the renaming! What was different?

The renaming was a mix of rational debate and blatant unfairness, while the CFS meeting deliberately blurred the lines. Considering that past CFS meeting rhetoric borders on the Orwellian (to paraphrase only slightly: "when the bylaws say that elections are in 'Fall,' they mean that they should be held in the Spring.'") you can see how this could occur.


Good. Good. Another tough lesson.

What does help is knowing that there is a world outside of CFS meetings, where the people I know are supportive, rational and kind, even when (or especially when) they disagree with me.

You know who you are. Thanks.



That reminds me. I've got to finish off the renaming. I'm tired of my supernature/religious narrative telling me that I'm still "dead." Conveniently, spending time at the CFS meeting will allow me to take a day or two off sometime this month.

Comments

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

Also, the renaming was conducted by people who you believe (or at least, believed before and after) care about you and your well-being, regard you as a valued peer, would welcome your integration into society, etc. Even tho we deliberately broke aspects of the social contract, you knew on various levels that we would not literally attempt to destroy you - and it seems that right now you're in a place where making those assumption about the CFSers would be...difficult.

Re: renaming - I'm freeish after October 15th at this point. I think you should just have a 'coming out' party. See queer debutante.

[estrellada.livejournal.com]

On top of doing the cutting, of course.

[hundun.livejournal.com]

I need to do something ritual-y to get over the internal-narrative hump of being "dead." Something informal, short and affirming rather than lengthy, scripted and arduous. Sometime in the range of the 18th thru 21st, most likely. I can do it alone or with any willing volunteers.

And cutting, of course.

I'm looking around for information on a "queer debutante" and I'm not finding a lot. Can you direct me?

I am however finding out more about debutante events in American society, and am not sure if I'm more amused or repulsed. No. Repulsed.

Emily post's opinion - http://www.bartleby.com/95/18.html
Alternatively, at the bottom of the page - http://www.kalin.lm.com/carr.html

[greenstorm.livejournal.com]

You're a tough cookie. I'mproud of you.

[hundun.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks.