the_fantastic_ms_fox (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_fantastic_ms_fox) wrote2013-08-13 10:03 pm
the_fantastic_ms_fox) wrote2013-08-13 10:03 pm
(no subject)
The problem is called "depersonalization"
Remembering how it felt as a teenager - it hurt then, and when I think about it, it still hurts.
But maybe that's an improvement? It's better than ignoring it. It is, as Este would compare, "Like removing a splinter - it hurts on the way out."
Maybe it's better not to drag up the past - to forget and move on?
Perhaps at some point. Perhaps probably. Yes.
At some point.
But I think it would be amiss not to first understand what happened.
The object here is not to feel pained. It is to well and properly remember.
It's a way of living your life so that you don't feel it.
This is why everything feels so... unreal. Even my greatest successes.
I've been doing some painting. Art - to put ideas onto paper.
Remembering how it felt as a teenager - it hurt then, and when I think about it, it still hurts.
But maybe that's an improvement? It's better than ignoring it. It is, as Este would compare, "Like removing a splinter - it hurts on the way out."
Maybe it's better not to drag up the past - to forget and move on?
Perhaps at some point. Perhaps probably. Yes.
At some point.
But I think it would be amiss not to first understand what happened.
The object here is not to feel pained. It is to well and properly remember.